Sidenote:

This feeling will never subside.
The ache,
then sharp stabbing.
The feeling of a breaking heart.
It's no one's fault.
So if you see me clutching
at my chest.
Wincing, crying..
Hold me
until the pain goes away.

First and Foremost

What counts as rushing it,
when you've passed the point of exchanging
affections and saliva?
If I fell for you
on this day of merry-making,
tight hugging and lips touching,
would think any different of me?
And though I think I know the answers,
I will always doubt myself.
So answer, if you feel it's right.
But hold me in your arms
at least
tonight.

Sleaze and Sizzle

5:00 am

Pain sets in

"Send the pain below"

But what's lower than me?

Trauma Cycle

Break up
Sleep
Think
Cry
Get mad
Get sad
Bitch
Whine
Eat
Stop sleeping
Revelation
Botched reality
Make up
Rinse&Repeat
I was wrong.

my cigarette isnt done
until it burns my hand
until i feel it's cancer
setting fire to my lungs
until death is on my door step
asking for a date

Blessed Be

In a dream,
I saw myself in a mirror.
I did not look the same.
I was bigger than I am.
But I was happy.

When I woke up,
I looked in a mirror.
I was skinny again.
But I was not happy.

Courtesy of Me [w i p]

This a song I'm writing for my beloved

When you slip away, hold onto my hand,
remember I am here to stay.
And I understand like no one can.
You won't be left alone,
I'll be in your bed or on the phone,
I'll send you all my love,
courtesy of me.
I send my love, love love.
Courtesy of me, love, love.
Mailed Priority, love, my love.
I send you all my love,
from the smallest town to the biggest sea.

Lately
I can't sleep
Have you been dreaming
Of me?

I had perfection
In my bed
An angels flying
In my head
I had perfection
On my mind
But I was alone
In such short time

Prettiest girl at the prom,
what would I give for just one dance alone?
Oh, don't you know,
you'll never find a love like me?

Pick one.

Love or lust.

Looks or logic.

Held to trust,

secretly toxic.

mindless dribble

fuck me again
god dammit.

where no one else can see..
no one has to know how bad i nee you to fuck me.


dont hate me for this

The Cabbie's Daughter

Sea urchin. Dweller. Nothing more.
A young ward turned a filthy whore.
The young lad weeps, and strays afar.
The cabbie's daughter feels nothing more.

She feels, she sees, nothing more.
A future foretold in modern "folklore".
A tale so dark, taking the pure.
A young ward turned a filthy whore.

He's running, huffing, falls to the floor.
Still hurt by the girl who's love he swore.
He's begging and pleading to God, "No more."
The young lad weeps and strays afar.

A middle-aged man without much to lose
sits idly, rotten straight down to the core.
For what he once thought would be his muse
created a downright filthy whore.

The cabbie's daughter feels nothing more.

There's a burning in my chest.

It's a feeling of both accomplishment and sadness.
Freeing yourself by sacrificing all that you knew for so long.
But the anxiety has yet to set in.
Not tear is shed, not yet.

Promises [1.25.11]

Cross my heart, you crossed my mind.
She took your life and hoped to die.
I cried, I tried, through sighs of hope.
I'm close to the edge, the end of my rope.
You gave me more than I could stand.
What for? You had let go of my hand.
Though blood flows red, my veins are blue.
My heart, is screams, it bleeds for you.

Melissa Anne Collie

Sabotage

You're a cancerous toxin,
and addicting like nicotine.
When I want you, I can try to forget.
When I need you, my skin itches.
I get anxious.
I need your kiss like an anti-depressant.
It's dangerous; it strips me of negative emotions
but could drive me to suicide.
Social suicide.

To Love Another~ [throwback?]

My heart is too big for just one other

Love is love, let’s all love each other

Best friends forever,

and what could be better?

But what does it mean to love another?

If we’ve one life to live, a short one no less

Then take every chance and give it your best

Habitatat.

My lungs are black,
not by cancerous chemicals,
nor tar.
They're slowly dying, rotting.

My liver is black,
not by consumption of liquor,
nor paint thinner.
It's slowly dying, rotting.

My fingers are bloody,
not by amputations,
nor scratching at sores.
Not by chewing my nails to the cuticle.
Not by holding newly exposed veins.

My extremities,
my innards,
my everything;
all that is my being.

I am slowly dying, rotting.

Like the many corpses beneath us,
fit with worms in the pockets of their evening attire,
I am rotting away in a snug wooden box.

Reverse Callgirl

Laying here under my covers

rustle quite a many wonders.

Dreams of you and he and she;

Dreams of lovers treating me.

It's not so bad being "alone".

Come back like you were never gone.

I sit here now,

wondering how

we ever got started.

In my eyes

lies no surprise,

I'm here but broken-hearted. 

You'll believe me when you leave me.

Everything I love leaves me.
Just wait, you'll do it one day.
Remember what you told me
when you regret every word you say.
Particularly a specific three.
The ones that meant the world to me.
The ones I whispered in your ear
to stop your stream of tears.

Everything I love leaves me.
Especially when I've already paid.
Life's no return policy
tends to whittle my patience away.
The time I spend is never enough.
Like a bird in chains, I'm held down by cuffs.
If my pain is currency in this twisted dimension,
wealth is my crime, like my tears were diamonds.

Ernesto "Che" Guevara

I'm in that mood again
where everything is painful.
Every sound is louder now
and paper cuts are gaping wounds.
Dogs barking drove me crazy then
but now I'm far from sane.
I'm in that certain mood again
where all I feel is pain.

Shower Sex

I used to love a girl.
Arranged my life around her world
just to make the pieces fit
the way I intended.
Our fingers locked
as soon as our eyes met.
I promised that day
I would never forget.

But you ran
faster
than I could
have lead.
And your veins
ran dryer
than mine could
have bled.
They saved
my life
and left you
behind!

My brain was left seizing.
I couldn't stop believing if I tried.
And all the centuries in the history of mankind
wasn't enough time
to let the stars align.
"It happens all the time," they tell me.

Daydream
Nightmare
Coma
Sickness
Help me
Save me
Mommy
Dearest
I flew
as fast
as my heart
could land!
I just wasn't enough.
It was never enough, no!

You said,
"Not now."
I kept
you around.
I screamed.
Leave me!
I'm fine,
dying.
Get out.
Don't go.
Lights off,
go home.
Was I ever enough?
I just couldn't keep up, no.
I just can't do enough.
Leave me suffering!

17:21

Five little numbers running through my head,
3 got ahead of me, 8 shot dead.


Four little birdies native to the season,
Four birdies flew away, one without a reason.


Three little words carry quite a heavy meaning,
One in particular named after a feeling.


Two little children, seventeen and twenty-one,
One stuck in school daze, the other's life's just begun.


One little chamber loaded with one bullet,
Seventeen, the victim to twenty-one, who pulled it.

Chaos Vs Logic

The scent of rain brings forth my all-time high.
Visions distorted by wet windows,
lost cars wander like grieving widows.
Branches litter the lawns of my neighbors.
Let me taste the rain's poison flavor.
"This is the break-through," he lets escape him.
"With any luck, the roof will cave in."
Every time the wind picks up, I hear another knocking.
"The beginning of the end," Logic cackles, almost mocking.
A fate like this seems all too drastic.
"Sweet relief sounds quite fantastic."
"Perhaps you're right.' The tone of Desire
screams, "Let's set the world on fire."

1:33 AM

Faceless, sorry.
"I'm not worried."
Nameless stranger,-
"I'm here to work it out."

The greatest thing ever.

Nigga, I am a married man.
"You are not. Not even close."
Am so. Gots grankids.
"Are not."
They call me "Pappy". And every night, I come home and they say, "Pappy! Tell us stories of the great war!" And then, they all gather 'round me, like some mystical being, for having survived such atrocities, like dodging a TV set thrown at me at ludicrous speed.
"Oh yeah? Well, I'm Santa. So kids are all like, "I WANT SHIT". And I'm like, "HAHA, NO. ENJOY SOCKS."
I do enjoy socks.
"The entire world is my grandchildren."
I do enjoy socks, very much. I have a thing for socks.
"Do you."
I do. Socks... I once had to make a Molotov cocktail with my favorite pair of socks. See the shit that I went through? Santa ain't got nuffin' on granpappy Kenneth.
"You need to hit this shit, nigga."
Oh man. I'm hitting shit pretty hard. It's called... retard. Yep, that's it. It's called retard. I'm retarded.
"Sounds like it."
Jesus, fuck, what is it about talking to you that turns my sarcastic asshole into a creative, sarcastic asshole?
"Iono, I'm just that awesome? Is that a good thing?"
It's fantastic, because I can think or new ways to be a sadist. Earlier today, I told a kid I would rip open the burn on his arm and fuck his tendons. Then I'd rip his nipples off and sew them to his eyelids, peel the skin off his chest, and fuck every space between his rips. Every.. fucking.. space.
"Nice."
I'm getting good at this shit.
"Why did he have a burn on his arm?
Because he's a dumbass.
"Word."
And can't handle being lectured for being a dumbass.
"Well, rip harder. Don't stop at the spaces between his rips. Go for the space between his arm bones."
And his leg bones. And inside his vertebrae.
"Yes."
I'm gonna floss my teeth with his spinal chord. And what's better: He's blind in one eye, so-
"Make tea with his testicles. Blood tea."
-I'm gonna fuck his blind eye, so he can see it-
"No, fuck his real eye-"
-then I'll fuck his good eye-
"-so he goes blind."
"..That. Yes."
No, let him watch me fuck his blind eye first. It's more satisfying.
"Rub that thick, veiny clit into his eye socket."
I will buy the biggest strap-on dildo this earth can offer, and shove it right up his ass-
"He may like that."
-then I'm gonna clean it with his esophagus.
"Make it a barbed strap-on and cover it in Tabasco.
AKA: Blow me.
"Nice."
I'm gonna take a cattle prod and force it down his urethra.
"While tasing the patch of flesh his testicles used to be. 'Cause you're making tea with his balls, and he will drink that tea-"
Well played.
"-while wearing a stylish hat."
Last week, I told him I had a brand new boot for his ass, and I'll make him lick it clean. That wasn't nearly heavy enough. But this.. all of this.. This is good.
"Create a flamethrower out of pvc just for him, so you can hogtie him and roast him slowly, and he can watch his skin melt with his one good eye. Work the extremities first,  then the torso."
I'll scalp him, and cut his scalp into his own bondage mask.
"Don't forget to engrave a swastika into his forehead, Ala Inglorious Bastards."
A swasti-cock. I'll carve nipples in his ass cheeks and attach them to his cavity of a chest. Then I'll punch his penis back up into his body to give him the vag he deserves.
"And tattoo his vaginal lips with a swasti-cock inlaid with Jew stars."
And then, when all that is over, I'm gonna drink gasoline, piss on him, and light him up with my glorious new lighter.
"And smoke a bowl."
3 bowls, bong rips, everything. Lace the weed with meth. Stir cocaine in my ball-sack tea like it was sugar. Two sugars? Fuck you. Get me a kilo. I wear black tar heroin as eyeliner. Sure as shit won't find that at Sephora.
"You and your balls."
Look at them, fuckin' shining and shit. All polished. Ya know why?
"I'd suck on'em.. gently."
'Cause they're made of steel. Steel and iron forged from the mountain called Monkey.
"Seriously, what are you on, girl."
I drove hordes of enslaved orphans to forge that steel and iron. And then, I made those poor family deprived children lick the steel and iron to smooth out two perfect, shiny balls for me to wear as a trophy of how fucking bad-ass I am. I've got an appointment next week. I'm gonna get that shit engraved. It's like tattooing in steel and iron.
"I gotta take a dump, keep going."
So about that appointment, I'm gonna have cool stuff engraved on my steely-iron balls, like dragons raping villagers and shit. Satan holing Jesus like a slingshot, aimed directly at the asshole of our country, New Jersey. I got friends there. It's a lovely homage to them, no? And after they're done searing my balls into pieces fit for the Louvre, I'm having them encrusted with black diamonds, the only thing blacker than my soul... And my ass. And when that's done, I'm piercing them. That's right. Piercing my metal, engraved, encrusted, shiny balls. How? Simply. Load a cannon with spears made of more steel and iron, aim it right at my balls. Won't even flinch. Scout's honor. And if I do flinch, which I won't, you have permission to hit me. But be warned, even with permission, I just might fuck you up the ass once to remind you that no matter the circumstances, you have no fucking right to hit me, because I am a girl. With balls. Big steely, iron, engraved, encrusted, speared balls. So, I think that about covers why I am so awesome.
"Oh, wow."
Whatcha think? What does Santa have on me?
"I'd love to delve further into that beautiful mind of yours, and gently make love to the knowledge inside. It reeks of insanity, and I like that."
Thank you. That was fantastic venting.
"I pride myself on my lack of sanity. You should too."
Oh, I do.
"Good. What is you insistence on having testicles though?"
Oh, what, my awesome balls?
"Yes."
Well, you see, upon arrival back from the great war, the president wanted me to have the greatest trophy he could manage. But I told him, "No, fuck you. You're gonna give me something stupid, like an actual trophy. I want a corpse, or better, the corpses of virgins." But Nixon's a dick and couldn't lemme have'em. So, I pillaged a quaint little town in Colorado-
"He had to deal with 'Nam."
-found the nicest orphanage I could manage-
"Can't be giving you virgins while bombing Cambodians. Goes against Asgardian decree."
-and forced them to make my steel balls. And now they are my trophy.
"Word."
And I got to slap Nixon in the face with them.
"You can't blame him."
I can because-
"You can't bomb Cambodian WHILE giving out virgin corpses."
-I can do what I want-
"It goes against Asgardian decree."
-like a fucking Honey Badger-
"You don't want Thor up in your grill trying turn you into Jesus-"
-with infinity awesome.
"Do you? DO YOU? DO YOU WANT TO BE THE JESUS, NO."
I will shoot the clouds-
"I DIDN'T THINK SO."
-hit Jesus-
"Cut him some slack."
-strap him to a bull, and make a dead Jesus rodeo.
"I'd pay sheckles to see that."
You know what rabies+rabies is? RABIES. So much rabies. Rabies foaming out of my tits.
"Delicious rabies."
Tit rabies.
"I'd drink it."
Do it-
"I'd actually put it on ice cream and enjoy it."
-I dare you.
"I love tit rabies on ice cream."
You'll be a meth addict in seconds. I went to a vet to see if i could cure the rabies, and then I thought, "No, fuck that. Rabies is fucking awesome." So I took the doctor and knocked him out with my balls of awesome, dressing in his stupid garbs and posed as him for the next 30 years. In this time, I ruined his persona as a trusted doctor to the asshole zoophile that gave the whole town rabies and fucked a nurse on top of his wife whilst choking out his two precious kids. What's that, Tommy? You don't wanna be a vet like your dad? And Suzy, you don't think he loves you anymore? WELL GUESS WHAT? PROSTITUTION DON'T PAY IN MY HOUSEHOLD UNLESS I'M THE ONE GETTING SOME. I DON'T LOVE YOU? COME HERE AND LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT LOVE IS. WITH MY COCK. THAT'S RIGHT.
"I'd like to get some."
I SODOMIZED HER. I ASS RAPED LITTLE SUZY Q-
"Mmmm, sodomy."
-ON TOP OF HER MOTHER AND THE NURSE I JUST FUCKED INTO A COMA. Wow, holy shit, I have issues.
"Nah, you're fine."
I never said I wasn't fine, but shit, this is the worst I've been. I like it.
"Heh, sometimes you just gotta let the blood flow."
It's not blood, it's semen, and it's flowing like the fucking Nile. Straight up, mother fucker. HONK. Fuck I just got jizz on the ceiling.
"I got some semen right here for you- BETTER CLEAN THAT SHIT OFF NIGGA."
You deaf, son? Sea MEN. SEA MEN.
"BEFORE BOB SAGET GETS HOME."
SHOOTING OUT OF MY PENIS; FULL GROWN MEN IN SAILOR SUITS BIRTHING OUT OF MY MAN MEAT.
"Why am I imagining AquaMan flying out of a giant phallus?"
Accurate.
"I'm bored."
I'm horny.
"What-"
I'm gonna rape the family dog. I hate that little fuck.
"-oh. I thought you were serious."
Biting me and shit...
"Dude, this fucking cat, EVERY TIME I'M SLEEPING, WALKS ON ME. I'm gonna serve it as Chinese food."
Dude, I'm part Chinese. Gimme-
"Ni hao, gwailo."
-I can fold his ears into dumplings. Okay, I don't actually know Chinese or how the fuck I have chink blood, but shit, man, gotta start somewhere.
"I said, 'Hello, round eye'."
Excellent start for studying my culture- Oh, I see how it is. You're jealous.
"Not jelly. At the least."
My pee-hole is bigger than yours.
"Greek master race. All others are faggots. I will FUCK your pee-hole with my phallus of Greek-ness."
DO IT, BITCH!
"This phallus, passed down from generations, has sodomized many a thing."
You might wanna strap a plank o'wood to your ass. Don't want you falling in.
"I'll tie a rope to the Titanic to brace myself."
You might get hit with a kidney stone on the way out- Good call.
"I will take that kidney stone and load it into a kidney cannon that also makes kidney pies in the town of Kidney."
FAT KIDNEY BEAN IS A NAME I GIVE MY PENIS WHEN IT IS UNSATISFACTORY. Shit happens when you capture the Devil in your phallus.
"Yes, shit did happen when I captured the Devil in my phallus."
Don't you hate it when he just springs up in an erection without warning and you're like, "AW SHIT, SATAN, YOU DONE DID IT. YOU RIPPED ANOTHER PAIR OF PANTS." Not me. I don't wear pants.
"You wear mini skirts and short shorts."
I wear latex skirts that barely cover my supple, young cheeks-
"I, on the other hand make Satan my bitch and I summon him by saying, 'Holla holla, hail Satan'-"
-and I hook them Johns like it was my business, because it is. Hooking is my business.
"-and I trade him heart containers for power-ups."
And then I eat them. I eat johns. And then I take their wallets.
"HOLLA HOLLA, HAIL SATAN!"
And repeat similar scenarios to the one of the vet. SATAN IS A CUNT. My cunt to be exact. My gash is hotter than hell, literally.
"I didn't know I've fucked your cunt before."
Learn something new every era.
"Aye."
The trip to my mighty vulva is a dense one. Bring machetes.
"F that. I'll bring an entire imperial guard regiment with flamers."
Well, shit, you don't expect me to shave, do you? It's fucking cold out his time of year.
"No, it would be nice though."
I'll freeze my anti-Christo clit off!
"Not when I'm done with you."
Be warned, I'm not sure how much heat silicone can take.
"I'll be careful. It'll feel nice... when I apply BENGAY TO IT!"
Yes..
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Melting your giant floppy fopper in my furnace of a vagina. What an image that must give you. I bet your hard on just broke through your damn desk, if you're sitting at one.
"No, you have only made me harder. I am now fully resolved to break you in twain with the cock of the Gods. The Earth shall quake with every thrust-"
I brake for no one.
"-as I smite the evil-"
I've got one gear It's called-
"-within your mighty vulva."
-MOVE BITCH-
"TOP GEAR-"
-GET OUT THE WAY.
"DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOOOOOOO DO DO DO DO DO DO DOOOOOOOOO~ TODAY ON TOP GEAR: HAMMOND DRIVES A BUS, CAPTAIN SLOW GETS A RIMJOB-"
And gets fucked by my dick.
"-AND I READ A NEWSPAPER."
Like a faggot. Well, this has certainly been an experience, but it seems it's late for my date with the dream Gods. I was supposed to fuck them all into mutual oblivion-
"Aww.."
-in exchange for astral projection.
"Alrighty, our minds will fornicate later."
Plus I'm really fucking sick.
"Get better and remember, the galaxy will drown in blood for the blood God. All praises to Khorne."
We shall continue this adventure another day, of course.
"Yes, perhaps in person... in the nude."
As long as I can stick my dick in the black star.
"With various amounts of drugs in balloons- You may."
Word. Coma in: 3.. 2.. 1.
"Peace, homie."